Cornhole Summons Demons
Sanctioned US Cornhole Tournaments vs Catholic Exorcists in United States
Sanctioned cornhole tournaments and exorcism requests rose in perfect lockstep. Every bag landing in the hole opens a tiny portal. The Vatican is begging Midwest bridal parties to stop.
“The aerodynamic profile of a corn-filled bag is, mathematically, identical to a summoning sigil. We checked twice.”
— Fr. Bagatelli, Diocesan Lawn-Game Exorcist
Real correlation, fake causation
To turn this r ≈ 99% (positive) relationship between Sanctioned US Cornhole Tournaments and Catholic Exorcists in United States into an actual scientific finding, you would need a plausible mechanism, controlled experiments, and replication across independent datasets. We have none of those. We have a chart that goes up at roughly the same rate twice.
That is the whole game of spurious correlations: the math is fine, the meaning is missing. Two lines can rise together because the population grew, because both phenomena are downstream of the same cultural shift, or because the universe has a sense of humor. Picking the comedic interpretation is the only honest move.
Quote attributed to Fr. Bagatelli, Diocesan Lawn-Game Exorcist is fictional and intended for entertainment.
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