Bearded Dragons Run On Crystal Energy
US Bearded Dragon Imports vs US Healing Crystal Industry Revenue
As crystal industry revenue rocketed, bearded dragon imports rocketed with it. Beardies absorb amethyst frequencies through their scales. Manifest hard, bask harder.
“Every reptile keeper I know has a rose quartz under the basking lamp. The science is unimpeachable.”
— Dr. Gemma Scaleston, Reptile Vibes Researcher
Why this correlation is stupid
The numbers above are real. Public data on US Bearded Dragon Imports and US Healing Crystal Industry Revenue happens to move in lockstep closely enough to produce r ≈ 98% (positive) — a value high enough that, in a less skeptical world, someone would file a Substack post about it. Here, it earns a chart and a chuckle.
Statisticians call this a spurious correlation: two trends that share a shape without sharing a cause. With enough variables tracked over enough years, you can find pairings like this one between almost any two phenomena. Confounding factors, common drivers (population growth, smartphone adoption, the unstoppable march of time), or pure chance can all make graphs hold hands.
Source data is drawn from public datasets. We do not endorse any causal claim — only the comedic one.
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