Coffee Barely Fuels the Scroll
Coffee Production vs Average Daily Screen Time
Coffee production and daily screen time barely move together — and yet somehow we still blame caffeine for every doomscroll. The data says the link is flimsier than your hold on your phone.
“The caffeine-screen link is statistically a shrug. We scroll because we scroll. Coffee is just the witness.”
— Dr. Weak Filter, Behavioral Barista
How we paired this data
Stupid Correlations scans hundreds of public time-series datasets and surfaces pairings whose Pearson correlation crosses a comically high threshold. Coffee Production and Average Daily Screen Time hit r ≈ 6% (none) over the years they overlap — the algorithm flagged it, and we kept it because the headline practically wrote itself.
Crucially, no causal model was tested, no covariates were controlled for, and no peer reviewer was consulted. This is the statistical equivalent of finding two people with the same birthday at a wedding and writing a paper about destiny. Real research adjusts for confounders; we adjust the caption for laughs.
If the chart makes you suspicious of the next data-driven headline you read, the page has done its job.
Put it on a thing
This correlation belongs on a wall, a mug, or a t-shirt. Pick your poison:
Share the nonsense
Generate your own
Download the Stupid Correlations app to discover thousands of absurd correlations on demand.
