Parrots Drink With You
US Pet Parrot Population vs Spirits Consumption
As spirits consumption climbed, the US pet parrot population climbed alongside it. The parrot is the only honest drinking buddy. He repeats your slurred words back to you, judgment-free.
“A macaw can sustain a six-bourbon evening better than any human. We measured.”
— Dr. Polly Distillery, Avian Liver Specialist
How we paired this data
Stupid Correlations scans hundreds of public time-series datasets and surfaces pairings whose Pearson correlation crosses a comically high threshold. US Pet Parrot Population and Spirits Consumption hit r ≈ 99% (positive) over the years they overlap — the algorithm flagged it, and we kept it because the headline practically wrote itself.
Crucially, no causal model was tested, no covariates were controlled for, and no peer reviewer was consulted. This is the statistical equivalent of finding two people with the same birthday at a wedding and writing a paper about destiny. Real research adjusts for confounders; we adjust the caption for laughs.
If the chart makes you suspicious of the next data-driven headline you read, the page has done its job.
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