More Beds, More Doping

r ≈ 99% positive

Hospital Beds vs Tour de France Riders with Doping Violations

Hospital beds and Tour de France doping scandals have grown in perfect parallel. The healthcare system is apparently an EPO distribution network. Get well soon — on Tuesday's mountain stage.

“Every new hospital bed ships with trace amounts of performance enhancement. The rotation cycles are a peloton.”

— Dr. Alpe d'Huez, Sports Medicine

Why this correlation is stupid

The numbers above are real. Public data on Hospital Beds and Tour de France Riders with Doping Violations happens to move in lockstep closely enough to produce r ≈ 99% (positive) — a value high enough that, in a less skeptical world, someone would file a Substack post about it. Here, it earns a chart and a chuckle.

Statisticians call this a spurious correlation: two trends that share a shape without sharing a cause. With enough variables tracked over enough years, you can find pairings like this one between almost any two phenomena. Confounding factors, common drivers (population growth, smartphone adoption, the unstoppable march of time), or pure chance can all make graphs hold hands.

Source data is drawn from public datasets. We do not endorse any causal claim — only the comedic one.

This correlation belongs on a wall, a mug, or a t-shirt. Pick your poison:

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